Random/Funny Life Questions...

[Carnage VR4]

Random/Funny Life Questions (http://www.3si.org/forum/showthread.php?t=179410)

Yup. :thumbsup: :headbang1 :ninja:


-Matt

[Carnage VR4]

Forgot that non-registered people can't view the lounge. So here it is:

Where did hamsters live before we put them in cages as a pet?

Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?

Why do they have the back pain medicine on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy?

They have a show called "Unsolved Mysteries." What other kind of mysteries are there?

Do they make coffins wider for dead fat people or is it a 1 size fits all kind of thing?

If Santa lives at the North Pole... where does the Easter bunny live?

Does Jell-o EVER go bad? There usually isn’t an expiration date on it?

When the person who writes the obituaries dies, who writes their obituary?

Why do old men have hair in their ears?

Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?

If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?

Why are things typed up but written down?

How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

What does OK actually mean?

what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?

Why do donuts have holes?

Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?

Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?

Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?

Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?

If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?

If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?

Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?


-Matt

[Carnage VR4]

have you ever noticed that if you rearrange the letters in 'mother in law' it spells 'woman hitler'?



If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

can mutes burp?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon? Is the pig then a canible?

Why is there a sign lanquage sign for the word "quiet" ?

[Carnage VR4]

Someone's rebuttles: (I haven't read this part, but figured you guys may want to):

Where did hamsters live before we put them in cages as a pet?

>Actually, hamsters were the first genetically engineered pet, stolen from NAZI laboratories in 1945, in the 1950s they became popular household pets in the US and Britain as former NAZI scientists emigrated.

Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?

>It's an intelligence test.

Why do they have the back pain medicine on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy?

>Because pharmacists are well-known sadists, ranking first worldwide in ownership of back-street S&M brothels.

They have a show called "Unsolved Mysteries." What other kind of mysteries are there?

>Well, there was a short-run show on PBS called "Solved Mysteries," starring Robert Conrad, but frankly the show kind of fell apart a couple of years ago...

Do they make coffins wider for dead fat people or is it a 1 size fits all kind of thing?

>Trim to fit!

If Santa lives at the North Pole... where does the Easter bunny live?

>Fire Island. You always knew it, with those pastel outfits.

Does Jell-o EVER go bad? There usually isn’t an expiration date on it?

>Due to a programming error, all current Jell-O supplies will go bad on March 14, 2083.

When the person who writes the obituaries dies, who writes their obituary?

>Usually the person who writes the "Dear Abby" column.

Why do old men have hair in their ears?

>So they can annoy people by pretending that they're deaf.

Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?

>It's another identification tool to help people with really poor facial recognition skills and flat-chested women.

If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?

>Umm, the BUNNY hides the eggs from the KIDS.

Why are things typed up but written down?

>Because paper moves up when you type on it, and when you write you move your hand down. Duh.

How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet?

>Ever have an angry deer in your house? You'd know.

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

>Same reason that flamable and inflammable mean the same thing.

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

>For you to write "damn this book is boring" to help other patrons at the library.

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

>No. If you walk faster than the speed of sound in below Stratosphere altitude, you will explode due to the well-known Hammacher-Schliemann effect. That's why fighter pilots and astronauts sit down while flying. Astronauts can stand up in orbit because they are far enough away that the Earth can't see them.

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

>Rosie O'Donnel

What does OK actually mean?

>It's Morse Code shorthand for "Oily Kingcrab" I don't know what the derivation is.

what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

>Kleptomaniac. It's a little known fact that you don't actually have to pay for anything at K-Mart, they won't stop you. Try it sometime.

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

>Ever get hypothermia? Were you happy? Well then. Smurfs are always unhappy, they just put on an act for the camera.

Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?

>I can, you can't.

Why do donuts have holes?

>To hang them on a string to dry.

Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?

>The people who invented phones and calculators hated each other and wanted to make sure their customers didn't use the other's invention.

Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?

>Why don't you hear thunder with Orange Lightning cleaner?

Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?

>No, in a TV light and sound travel at the same speed, which leads some men in white coats to believe that if you could get into a TV with a really fast plane, you could travel to other planets and stuff.

Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?

>Yes, but only if you can wiggle your ears.

If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?

>Yes, get ready for LOTS of PRESENTS!

If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

>Depends on how hot it is.

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

>Stay away from hills, I think the lesson is clear.

Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

>You can't. Try it sometime, if you walk down an uphill road, your arms will get tired from digging pretty quickly.

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?

>Rerun did!

Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?

>No, as seen in the Documentary "Daredevil," Blind people develop superhuman powers to compensate for their lost sense, especially if the do a faceplant in nuclear waste.

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

>I don't. I zip-tie his arm to his leg and make him hop.

Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?

>The correct usage is "lbs.", as in this weighs 14lbs. It's an English measurement based on the very large sausages of Laura Beam, a 13th century TV chef. She was so popular, as were her sausages, that people began using them as a standard of measure, i.e. "This weighs as much as 14 Laura Beam Sausages!"

There is a reproduction of her sausage in the same vault in France that holds the Meter and Kilogram standards, respectively Lousi XVI's left leg and Robespierre's brain.

[H3llphyre]

BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE the rebuttle.

[bottledbird68]

Originally posted by H3llphyre
BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE the rebuttle. I was trying to think of some myself but I just can't compete with those :blush:

[540Malibu]

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

>there is no such thing as a free gift, if someone gives you something they want something in return. what they mean by free is that the gift has been transported via the underground railroad and the receiver signed the emancipation proclomation.