grygst76
10-31-2003, 08:07 AM
1.Ghost shit
the kind where you feel the shit come out but there is no shit in the toilet.
2.Clean shit
the kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
3.Wet shit
the kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin your pants with a stain.
4.Second Wave
It happens when you're done shitting and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to shit some more.
5.Pop-a-vein-in-your-forehead shit
the kind where you strain so much you practically have a stroke.
6.Richard Simmons shit
you shit so much you lose 30 pounds.
7.Lincoln Log shit
the kind that is so huge you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
8.Gassy shit
It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.
9.Garnished shit
the shit that comes out with the indigestible mustard seeds and tomato skins intact.
10.Corn shit
self explanatory.
11.Gee-I-wish-I-could shit shit
the kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramp and fart a few times.
12.Spinal tap shit
that's when it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
13.Wet cheek shit
(the power dump!)the kind that comes out of your butt so fast your cheeks get splashed with water.
14.Liquid shit
the kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
15.Mexican food shit
it smells so bad the room must be condemned.
16.Upper class shit
the kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell.
17.Fisherman's bobber shit
the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating at the water line.
18.Ambush shit
the kind that never happens at home, but usually at a party or while playing golf. It is the result of trying to fart just a little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow- legged for the rest of the day.
19.Drunken shit
the kind you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
20.Champagne Shit
you're so constipated that by the time the cork blows, a bubbly liquid streams from your ass.
21.Kling-On Shit
The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there waiting on the edge.
22.Blow Out Shit
The shit that's proceeded by a fart so vicious, you have to check the bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.
23.Exorcist Shit
The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of your ass and burns your ass while it splatters all over the toilet. (See Liquid Shit)
24.Peek-A-Boo Shit
It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes back out, goes back in, etc.
25.Pregnancy Shit
The kind where you're really backed up and it makes you grunt and wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in a child bearing fashion.(See Pop a Vein Shit, 26.Spinal Tap Shit)
27.Rabbit Shit
It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it about. Actually, you're never really finished, but stop at some point from boredom.
28.Alphabet Shit
It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and when you look at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"
29.Feminist Shit
No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's a man's fault.
30.Blowtorch Shit
Shit that burns your ass so much, you'd swear that it's flammable. (usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food)
31.Dual Density Shit
The kind where some shit floats and some shit sinks to the bottom of the bowl.
32.Ribbon Shit
A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a Lincoln Log Shit but not runny enough to be a Liquid Shit. Rather, it looks like a 1 inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks of color.
33.The Public Shit
Shit that reminds your senses of the warm, moist stench that embraces you when you enter a less than sanitary public restroom.
34.Little Boy Shit
Shit powerful enough to level a small city.
35.Flood Shit
You shit so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and ends up flooding your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to clean up a brown,pasty mess. (Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a relief concert to help cleanup efforts)
36.Dream Shit
When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the shit that you'll be dreaming about.
37.Concrete Shit
This is what you'll drop after you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days.
38.Surgery Shit
After the Concrete shit, you'll have to go into surgery because your ass is torn apart so badly.
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
39.Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this shit
40.Taoism: Shit happens.
41.Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
42.Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
43.Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
44.Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
45.Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
46.Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
47.Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
48.Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
49.Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
50.Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
51.Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
52.Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
53.Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
54.Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
55.Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
56.Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
57.Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
58.Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
59.Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
60.Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
61.Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
62.Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
63.Creationism: God made all shit.
64.Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
65.Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
66.Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
67.Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
68.Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
69.Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
70.Darwinism: This shit was once food.
71.Capitalism: That's MY shit.
72.Communism: It's everybody's shit.
73.Feminism: Men are shit.
74.Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
75.Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
76.Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
77.Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
78.Illogism: Food is shit, therefore I must shit out my mouth
79.Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
80.Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
81.Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
82.Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
83.Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
84.Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
85.Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
86.Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
87.Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
88.Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
89.Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
90.Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
91.Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
92.Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
93.Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
94.Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
95.Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
96.Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
97.Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
98.Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
99.Sadism: Let us rape and torture this shit
100.Atheism: What shit?
101.Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
102.Nihilism: No shit.
LONG ENOUGH!!!
the kind where you feel the shit come out but there is no shit in the toilet.
2.Clean shit
the kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
3.Wet shit
the kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin your pants with a stain.
4.Second Wave
It happens when you're done shitting and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to shit some more.
5.Pop-a-vein-in-your-forehead shit
the kind where you strain so much you practically have a stroke.
6.Richard Simmons shit
you shit so much you lose 30 pounds.
7.Lincoln Log shit
the kind that is so huge you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
8.Gassy shit
It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.
9.Garnished shit
the shit that comes out with the indigestible mustard seeds and tomato skins intact.
10.Corn shit
self explanatory.
11.Gee-I-wish-I-could shit shit
the kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramp and fart a few times.
12.Spinal tap shit
that's when it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
13.Wet cheek shit
(the power dump!)the kind that comes out of your butt so fast your cheeks get splashed with water.
14.Liquid shit
the kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
15.Mexican food shit
it smells so bad the room must be condemned.
16.Upper class shit
the kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell.
17.Fisherman's bobber shit
the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating at the water line.
18.Ambush shit
the kind that never happens at home, but usually at a party or while playing golf. It is the result of trying to fart just a little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow- legged for the rest of the day.
19.Drunken shit
the kind you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
20.Champagne Shit
you're so constipated that by the time the cork blows, a bubbly liquid streams from your ass.
21.Kling-On Shit
The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there waiting on the edge.
22.Blow Out Shit
The shit that's proceeded by a fart so vicious, you have to check the bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.
23.Exorcist Shit
The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of your ass and burns your ass while it splatters all over the toilet. (See Liquid Shit)
24.Peek-A-Boo Shit
It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes back out, goes back in, etc.
25.Pregnancy Shit
The kind where you're really backed up and it makes you grunt and wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in a child bearing fashion.(See Pop a Vein Shit, 26.Spinal Tap Shit)
27.Rabbit Shit
It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it about. Actually, you're never really finished, but stop at some point from boredom.
28.Alphabet Shit
It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and when you look at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"
29.Feminist Shit
No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's a man's fault.
30.Blowtorch Shit
Shit that burns your ass so much, you'd swear that it's flammable. (usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food)
31.Dual Density Shit
The kind where some shit floats and some shit sinks to the bottom of the bowl.
32.Ribbon Shit
A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a Lincoln Log Shit but not runny enough to be a Liquid Shit. Rather, it looks like a 1 inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks of color.
33.The Public Shit
Shit that reminds your senses of the warm, moist stench that embraces you when you enter a less than sanitary public restroom.
34.Little Boy Shit
Shit powerful enough to level a small city.
35.Flood Shit
You shit so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and ends up flooding your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to clean up a brown,pasty mess. (Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a relief concert to help cleanup efforts)
36.Dream Shit
When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the shit that you'll be dreaming about.
37.Concrete Shit
This is what you'll drop after you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days.
38.Surgery Shit
After the Concrete shit, you'll have to go into surgery because your ass is torn apart so badly.
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
39.Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this shit
40.Taoism: Shit happens.
41.Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
42.Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
43.Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
44.Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
45.Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
46.Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
47.Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
48.Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
49.Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
50.Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
51.Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
52.Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
53.Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
54.Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
55.Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
56.Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
57.Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
58.Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
59.Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
60.Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
61.Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
62.Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
63.Creationism: God made all shit.
64.Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
65.Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
66.Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
67.Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
68.Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
69.Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
70.Darwinism: This shit was once food.
71.Capitalism: That's MY shit.
72.Communism: It's everybody's shit.
73.Feminism: Men are shit.
74.Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
75.Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
76.Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
77.Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
78.Illogism: Food is shit, therefore I must shit out my mouth
79.Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
80.Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
81.Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
82.Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
83.Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
84.Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
85.Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
86.Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
87.Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
88.Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
89.Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
90.Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
91.Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
92.Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
93.Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
94.Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
95.Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
96.Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
97.Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
98.Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
99.Sadism: Let us rape and torture this shit
100.Atheism: What shit?
101.Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
102.Nihilism: No shit.
LONG ENOUGH!!!